you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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