I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
