I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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