Whod you bang
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
