You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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