Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
