absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
