Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
