They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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