so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
