i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
