Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
