Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
