Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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