I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want to make out with him forever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
