I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
