I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
