I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
