Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
