well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
