I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I want to fling myself into the sun
did i just pee glitter
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
