remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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