i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
