i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
