Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
