Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize