he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
