I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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