Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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