Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
