i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
