Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
