My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
