this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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