Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
