do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
