fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
