He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize