"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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