hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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