I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
