My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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