i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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