I just made out with a guy for $7.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Vodka?
Forever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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