I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize