I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
