so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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