He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Never underestimate the power of titties
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
