and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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