Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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