I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
