Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
