I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she told me i tasted like america
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
