I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
