is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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