Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize