He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
