If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
