Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
