You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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