So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
