so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
