Where did you get a picture of my penis
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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