you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
