Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
