i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
