Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
