yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
