dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
