Plan B is the new Plan A
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
