my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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