My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
