Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
