You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize