Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
