I wanna bring you to show and tell
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
