Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
