Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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