dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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