I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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