I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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