I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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