i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
