Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
