i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
