plz talk dirty to me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
