I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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