I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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