i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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