You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
