I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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