I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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